Chapter 9: Male Relational Dread

Biased bottom lines certainly exist in the field of psychology, where all theories are based on a sense of “self” that is defined in male terms as separate, independent and autonomous. It is no wonder that psychology never really worked for women –nor, men either.  In truth, all of males and females are in relationship with each other. The Stone Center exposes the male bias and articulates a “self-in-relation” theory that far better reflects reality.  If we actually embraced the self-in-relation theory and viewed the “self” as relational, everything would change. Women would be seen as the relational experts that they are  and males would be required to go to counseling to learn how to relate –first to himself and then to others. Because males are so separate from their feelings, Male Relational Dread is activated when she begins to ask him how he feels. His body shifts uncomfortably as he thinks, “I don’t like this. I will look foolish, I may get violent, I don’t know what she is talking about….” Male relational dread is the tail of the elephant in the living room of relationships that no one acknowledges or understands.